YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
