I wish I only lived at night.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
