You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
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I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
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My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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