An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
