Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
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He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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