Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
