i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
It's Friday. Sex?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
