i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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