tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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