Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
