I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
