you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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