Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
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