Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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