um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
