hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
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