why didn't you poke me back
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize