Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
