I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
