She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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