carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
