We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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