go do what you do best...puke behind churches
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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