Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
