She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
