Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
