I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I've blown a few things in my day
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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