he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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