and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
