i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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