I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
