12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
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