Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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