I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
