Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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