Four minutes until I can fart!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
