im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
