His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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