We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
