You don't have asthma, your pregnant
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Enjoy the penises
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
