shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
