There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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