Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
