And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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