So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
