So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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