i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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