So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
