C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
