i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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