So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He kissed a someone with a penis
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
