So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My brain says no but my pants say off.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
