you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The air was thick with penises
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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