He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
