Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
