My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
