just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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