I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
