You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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