my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
