if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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