i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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