i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
