the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
