Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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