i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
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The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
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I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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